


Ineffable relations

by mayazen



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: F/M, Ineffable Bureaucracy, Other, this is my trash ship and im living in the dumpster, wow i wrote again, yeah i know they can undrunk themselves but im ignoring that fact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-20 10:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19374688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayazen/pseuds/mayazen
Summary: After the almost end of the world, Heaven and Hell are more chaotic than usual which is stressful for two of their leaders, maybe spending time together will help them relax





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i havent written in a while and something just really made me wanna write for them,,,,probably the lack of content haha, hope you enjoy pls leave any comments or ideas or anything down below thanks!!!
> 
> Oh PS this is multi chapter i just need to write more

After Armagedidn’t Heaven and Hell had been busier than usual. Heaven full of angels wondering what happened and if they had to prepare for another war to win, as everyone in Heaven was sure they would win, While Hell was full of angry demons demanding a war they couldn’t get. Both Gabriel and Beelzebub were overworked and verging on the brink of madness. Gabe sat at his desk listening to Michael drone on about how “You can’t just give up a war Gabriel! You can’t just tell war ready angels to stand down! Blah blah blah!” Gabriel was a terrible listener, instead he just mindlessly looked around the room until a noise surprised him. An old messaging tube rarely used anymore had a note in it. Gabe grabbed it quickly while Micheal keep blabbing on to themselves.

“I know you don’t eat anything but how about drinks? I know i need one, or two, or eight so i’m guessing you do as well” The note was written in what looked like chicken scratch with a leaking pen, this was obviously from Beelzebub. Gabe debated on responding to them but decided anything was better than pretending to listen to someone complain nonstop to them.

“Depends on who’s buying them” he wrote back with a chuckle. After a few minutes another note appeared. 

“Both of us, it’s not like either of us are low on cash, money has no meaning besides greed or something along that line I don’t know it sounds like something us downstairs should say.” Gabe laughed again, he missed how they used to speak together before the fall. He took a minute before writing back a final note.

“Alright, eight o’clock, that one bar on Samson street I’ll meet you there.” Gabe finished writing his letter and looked at michael. “Excuse me Mikey, sorry for not caring about anything you’re saying right now but I have more pressing matters to attend to right now so please get out of my office.” He said with a fake smile.

Beelzebub stood outside the bar wait for Gabe to arrive. They had chosen to wear something more “conservative”, if you could call anything they wear remotely conservative. They chose to ditch the fly hat and medals today and instead just wore one of their older suits, it’s not like they needed to look all that special, they were getting drinks with an old friend who was now supposed to be a sworn enemy. They took a deep breath and checked their watch, 8:47. Gabe was late like he always was “If being late was a sin, he would have been the first angel to fall.” They mumbled under their breath. “If he’s not here by nine im leaving, and temping one of his god damned angels.”

Just as Beelzebub started to complain louder, Gabe finally showed up.”Sorry I’m late, I may or may not have back talked an archangel trying to get down here and it wasn’t taken well.” Beelzebub couldn’t help but laugh.  
“You risked getting yelled at by a higher archangel to get drinks with me? Now c’mon Gabe, if you want to fall there’s a lot easier things to do!” They laughed.

Gabe sighed and rolled his eyes “You can call me Gabriel, we’re still enemies, im just here for drinks.” He said unconvincingly trying to seem like the one in charge of the conversation.

“Whatever Gabriel, just get in the damn bar and get blackout drunk with me so we can regret this later.”

“So anyway, im covered knee high in water and there’s already been three plummers down there and the last one hasnt even left yet and just as he’s finished fixing the major leak, another pipe breaks open….my point is fuck the kracken and fuck the ocean for being filled with so much water, why did God even create it? It’s not like the water is even drinkable. Too full of salt!” Beez continued to go on and on about the ocean and how Hell is in utter chaos still while Gabriel’s thoughts began to wander again today.

Gabriel looked over Beelzebub. They had changed themselves greatly since the fall, he wondered if it was a choice or…He choose not to think of the alternative at the time and instead focused on the conversation Beez was having with themself “And all these demons are freaking out down them and i don’t know what to do about this because they should respect me, I am their leader but no, since I didn’t get us to have a war I’m the bad guy.” Beelzebub was quiet for a moment before continuing, ‘”they even respect Hastur and Dagon more than me and both of them jumped on my desk when they saw a rat in my office, We are in hell! What do you think is down here, my office is the least damp so the rats are going to horde there!” As they continued Gabes mind left him again. He wondered what happened to their bright auburn hair, now faded and choppy, almost like they were pulling it out. Their clothes as well,dirt covered. ripped, and tattered far from the clean and neat suits they once wore. Everything about them had changed since the fall, the only thing he couldn’t see was their wings, but it felt rude to ask in the moment.

“So what do you think Gabe?” asked beez starting to slur their words. Gabe realized that he was supposed to respond to them instead of just staring at them.

“I think…We are too drunk to discuss this anymore and we should probably go back to…wait do demons even have a home?” Gabe asked wondering about what architectural style demons enjoy.

“S’pose some do, I just sleep in my office, my chair is very comfy.” Beez slurred, Gabe thought they were joking at first but when the punchline didn’t hit, the realization did.

“Wait you don’t have an actual place to just… get away from everything? Like all you do is work? God, you needed this drink more than me i see…Listen if you need a place to go at some point, I have a human apartment in West End London.”

“Listen gabey, i appreciate the offer but a demon, a prince of Hell itself, in the apartment of an Archangel? Terrible idea. I’m just going to go back to my office. Write me again if you want to get drunk sometimes angel-face.” Beelzebub stood up and paid their tab, they started to walk out of the bar and down the street until they were no longer seen. Gabe stared down the road for a minute before walking the other way and going back to where he belonged.


	2. Ineffable realations chp 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of history with Bee and gabe before Beelzebubs fall with some current time too, will they ever go on an actual date? Possibly. Will they realize its a date before theyre on it? No.

Beelzebub sat under a large tree, staring out into a field in front of them. Life was easy for them, respect God’s wishes and don’t commit any sins; Beelzebub found this very boring after a while, nothing new happened everything was the same each day. Their only solace was speaking with an angel, an archangel to be exact. They didn’t mean to speak to him, originally they just watched him from afar, observing what he would do. One day he must have caught them staring because he called them over.

“I, I’m sorry I didn't mean to be watching i was just….” Beelzebubs voice trailed off while they tried to hide their face.

Gabriel began to smile while he stood up. “Do you want to see what im doing?” Beelzebub slowly nodded and walked closer towards him. Gabriel began to open a large scroll full of names and notes. “Each day I go to my fellows archangel’s and ask them if they need letters sent, I write down to who the letter is from and for and then i write the message and deliver it!” He said with a smile. It was a genuine smile, like he enjoyed what he did.

“So you do that everyday? Doesn’t it get a little boring?” ask Beelzebub with great intrige.

“Not at all” Gabe said with a laugh. “Do you know what the angels say to each other? They gossip continuously about one another and to one another, it's a new story each day and i get to know it! I mean they’re supposed to use my letters for important documents and important conversations but nobody checks them so they’ve just started to use them to talk when they can’t in person.” Beelzebub began to laugh a little, the idea that the archangels bitched about each other was a hilarious idea to them because of how often they would make themselves see high and mighty.

They would continue to talk with each other for sometime that day until a fellow angel had approached them. “Excuse me, cherubim Beelzebub? We do have that,” The angel began to use air quotes “meeting today. Are you going to join us?”

Beelzebub stood up quickly. “Is it already that late? I'm sorry i’ll get going.” They began to walk with the angel before turning back towards Gabriel and asking “Do you want to come with us?” They walked back over and whispered to him “Lucifer has had some big idea’s lately about these new things God is making, you know the humans, you should come with us!”

Gabe looked away and quietly replied “Me and Lucifer don’t exactly… get along well, i don’t think it would work out that well, but you go on and have fun. If your here tomorrow you can meet me here again.” He smiled back towards her.

Beelzebub looked somewhat dejected but told him goodbye and agreed to meet him there the next day, which they did for several months.

______________________________________________________________

“Have you tried these yet? They’re so delicious! I can see why God made them” said Beelzebub eating another strawberry. Gabe laughed and picked one up.

“You know, I never really eat food, I mean what’s the point of it? It's not like we really need to eat to survive” Beelzebub stopped eating and looked over at him in shock. “It's not about if we need it, it's just...fun! C’mon try one with me.” They said handing him a bowl full of the fruit. 

Gabe looked down at the bowl, sighed, and picked up one of the strawberries and ate it. “So…” Beelzebub started “Do you like it? This is my favorite thing that she’s made so far!” they asked with eyes wide. “It's...pretty good i have to say.” Gabe replied. “Maybe ill try more food with you in the future.”

______________________________________________________________

Beelzebub sighed as another leak began above their head. There had been four new burst pipes today, however this was the first one in their office. They grabbed the phone and began to call someone down to fix this one. After an hour of arguing with the plumber they finally were able to hang up the phone. “Why don’t we ever reliable plumbers down here…” As Beelzebub got back to work they heard a knock at their door.

“Excuse me Lord Beelzebub?” Asked Dagon walking into the room. “It shows in the records that you have been sending messages to heaven, may i ask what for?”

“I was seeing if they had any better luck with their traitor up there than we did.” replied Beelzebub nonchalantly. “And did they?” “No. I am going to keep in communication with them however to try and devise a new plan for what we should do with both of them.” “whatever you think is best, my lord, I shall let you be then.” And as quickly as Dagon entered, she left.

Beelzebub put their head on the desk in front of them and sighed. They slowly lifted their head and turned towards a stack of blank paper, picked up a pen, and began to write another letter to Gabriel.

“Want to get more drinks tonight?” They wrote knowing he’d respond quickly.

A note came down almost instantaneously. “With the amount your drinking you’re seeming to be what i think the humans call an alcoholism.” Beelzebub laughed to themselves and wrote back “You mean alcoholic, and so is that a no?” After a few minutes they finally got another note “how about we go for a walk instead, we can actually talk sober with each other.” This as a thought terrified Beelzebub, the last time they talked with Gabe while sober was on a battlefield where a war was supposed to happen. Against their better judgement they began to write one last note to him before leaving “Fine i guess, let's meet at Saint James park then, i'm heading out now. And for Satans sake please don’t wear that dumb track suit, i can’t believe you wore that to a bar.” They sent the letter up and started to leave.


End file.
